The Accidental Activist

When I came out in 1998, for the first few months I went out a lot more, went on actual dates, and learned that there was a lot more to being out of the closet than telling people the truth. Going to the DC gay bars and patronizing other gay-owned businesses in DC was fine for awhile, but in October of 1998 I realized it wasn't enough.

On October 11, 1998, a young man died. Matthew Shepard was a 21-year old student in Laramie, Wyoming. One night, he was brutally attacked and left tied to a fence for one reason - he was gay. A few days later, Matt died from the injuries he suffered in the attack.

I was horrified beyond words. Just as my life was starting over, another life ended much too early. I immediately realized that there had to be more to being out than not worrying about being seen in a gay bar. The same week Matt died, I was reading the local gay newspaper, the Washington Blade, and saw an article that mentioned a group called the Arlington Gay and Lesbian Alliance (AGLA). I'd never heard of the group, but a quick search in Yahoo found their web page and minutes later I printed the membership form, wrote a check, and walked to the post office.

Joining AGLA literally changed my life. Through the group, and the people I met, I learned about other groups both local and national. Since late 1998, most of my free time has been involved in some way with gay rights activism or AIDS service agencies. And it all started at an AGLA happy hour on November 20, 1998.

Through AGLA, I learned about Virginia Partisans, a statewide gay and lesbian Democrats group, and eventually joined Partisans mostly just to give them some financial support. For similar reasons, I joined two national groups, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and Parents, Friends, and Family of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). Nearly every group, new activity, or fundraiser I've worked on all started with that first happy hour at Rhodeside Grill.

(For more information on Matt and the Matthew Shephard Foundation founded by his parents, visit www.matthewshepard.com.)

The Arlington Gay and Lesbian Alliance

AGLA was founded in 1981 by a group of gay men and lesbians as a chapter of the Virginia Gay Alliance, an organization formed to address gay rights issues from a local and state perspective. Within a few years, the organization became the Northern Virginia Gay Alliance. After the Virginia Gay Alliance was discontinued, the group was renamed as the Arlington Gay Alliance. In the late 1980s, they changed their name to the Arlington Gay and Lesbian Alliance. The group has three major focus areas: social activities, community service, and nonpartisan political awareness.

I couldn't attend the October 1998 monthly membership meeting when I first joined, so my first AGLA event was a happy hour. I was a little nervous about meeting new people, but since the happy hour was only a few blocks from where I was working at the time I decided to go and see what it was all about. I hadn't realized the "theme" of the happy hour was a welcome to new members, so was surprised and happy to meet and talk with many board members and long time members eager to find out my story.

I made one "mistake" that night--someone asked what I did for a living and I told them I was a technical writer and web designer. Bingo! Suddenly, I became very popular with this new group of people I'd just met. I had been talking with the newsletter editor, her partner, and the woman who maintained the groups web page, Sally. They quickly introduced me to the president, David Mallory and the four of us had a long talk. Sally admitted that web design wasn't her specialty and asked for my input on the web page. Dave was interested in what more the group could do with their web presence, so over the next few days I worked on a major redesign to make the web site more user-friendly and ready for a lot more content.

Within hours after e-mailing my suggestions to Sally she replied to Dave with the very strong suggestion that I take over the web site completely. For the next nearly two years, I was the AGLA web master. (I also ended up dating Dave, but that's a totally different story. . .) Then in July 2002, then AGLA president Jeff DiGregorio asked me if I'd be willing to come back as AGLA's web master. I didn't even hesitate--I started a new site redesign the same day I accepted. I'm currently on working for my fourth AGLA president.

Virginia Partisans Gay and Lesbian Democrats

A few months after I stepped down from my first stint as the AGLA web master, I got an e-mail from a friend I'd met in AGLA. Kevin told me that he'd agreed to be the new president of the Virginia Partisans in 2001 and needed my help. At the time, Partisan's web page was, to be blunt, a disaster. Every bit of information, pictures, and links were pretty much all on one page. The information was also out of date and badly in need of a major overhaul. Kevin's first act as Partisan's president was to nominate me to the board as the new web master and I've been maintaining the page at www.vapartisans.org ever since. I served briefly as an at-large board member, but I'm not really into political drama so resigned from the board but kept the web page. The board understood that sometimes, activism in the background is just as important as the front lines. (I have, however, served as web master for a number of political campaigns because all local Democrats have seen Partisan's web site and know my work.)

Partisans has three major focus areas. We serve as a lobbying group promoting gay and lesbian concerns in party platforms and policies, support specific Democratic candidates and candidates who are not affiliated with other political parties and have no Democratic Party opponent, and provides volunteer and financial assistance to campaigns within Federal, State and local law.

My father was a politician when I was in grade school through high school, so I thought I'd had my fill by college. Until 2003, I wasn't a very political person but decided to get involved with Partisans because the legal status for gays and lesbians in Virginia is dismal. While Northern Virginia, especially Arlington, is a great place for gays to live we have far more anti-gay laws than we have gay-inclusive laws. The support of our local elected officials is wonderful but there's only so much they can do in Richmond since they're outnumbered by close minded men and women elected from other, less liberal, areas of the state.

Whitman-Walker Clinic, Food & Friends, and The Washington, DC AIDSRide

Soon after I met Dave, he told me about the Washington, DC AIDSRide, a 4-day 335 mile bike ride that raises money for the Whitman-Walker Clinic and Food & Friends. Since 1998, I rode DCAR three times and raised about $10,000 for the two local AIDS service agencies. I also rode an AIDSRide in Alaska and raised $4,000 for vaccine research. Getting involved with the rides also got me interested in helping other fundraising efforts. For the full story, see my AIDSRide page. In 2003, four years and 1,200+ miles, I "retired" as a rider to focus on other opportunities, but I'll never forget the experiences I had on my bike.

Equality Virginia, The Human Rights Campaign and PFLAG

I'm mostly involved with these three groups by renewing my memberships every year, but that's critical for both to be able to do their work. Equality Virginia is our statewide advocacy group. HRC is the largest national lobbying group for gay and lesbian interests. If I could do what I do for Virginia Partisans and AGLA professionally, working for Equality Virginia or HRC would be my dream job. Unfortunately, I've grown accustomed to my salary and nonprofits don't generally pay as much.

PFLAG is an international support group, originally founded to help parents understand when their children came out to them. They've grown into a network of hundreds of local chapters that do support, education, and other activist work around the world. The DC Metro chapter is the largest chapter in the country. At every Gay Pride parade I've attended, the PFLAG contingent always gets the loudest chears. I look forward to PFLAG's annual gala every winter, though that's just one of many galas I try to go to every year in DC. (Even an accidental activist realized early on that buying a tuxedo was much more cost effective then rentals. . .)

What's Next?

Who knows? I have no plans to stop doing Partisan's or AGLA's pages for free, though I'd be interested in some paid work on the side, too. And I'll continue to renew my EV, PFLAG and HRC memberships every year. But if I see another opportunity where I can make a difference, I'll do just that. In fall 2002, I joined a listserv of local Nova GLBT leaders who are planning a coalition of groups and I might end up designing a web page for that group, too. Because being out isn't enough of making a difference for me. We're all better off, the more of us that are out of the closet living our lives openly and without shame. But there's always more to be done. I'm just glad I've found my niche and can help make a difference.